Careful boys, she’s got a lot more than petticoats under that skirt.

(Photo source: Rolf Konow, SMPSP – © 2011 Constantin Film Produktion GmbH, NEF Productions, S.A.S., and New Legacy Film Ltd.)

This is how I imagine the producers of this latest incarnation of Dumas’ novel pitched the idea to the studios: Mash Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible and Pirates of the Caribbean together, throw in some slo-mo ala Matrix action shots, add a little bit of Charlie’s Angels BUT WITH GUYS! AND SWORDS! AND IN THREE DEE!

If you were looking for a movie to pass away a dreary rainy Fall day, look no further. Might I also suggest you get the large size popcorn and soda to get you through the slower moments in the film. But not to worry though, in the very capable hands of director Paul Anderson (Resident Evil, Alien versus Predator, Mortal Kombat) there’s enough visual effects eye candy to keep you entertained to the credits roll.

The movie starts off in a very promising way. The opening sequence flies the audience through a miniature battlefield which sets up the current conflict between France and England. Anderson also chose to shoot it using a tilt-shift visual effect which in 3D makes the little figurines look more toy-like. I loved the introduction to our three Musketeers; so completely unexpected in a period film. Yes the sequence was quite cheesy but in a good way and it got me excited about the rest of the movie.

Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson), and Aramis (Luke Evans) are not just any soldiers, they are badass French spies with gadgets (yes, really!). After losing some important high-tech Da Vinci warship plans to the English bad guy Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) and sexy double-agent Milady (played by Anderson’s wife Milla Jonovich), the spies lose their credibility and are forced into early retirement. Years later, a young D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman) travels to Paris hoping to become a Musketeer like his father before him. The problem is D’Artagnan is an arrogant SOB albeit an honest one. D’Artagnan’s cocky attitude is a magnet for trouble and soon he and the Musketeers is involved in a mission to stop the Cardinal (Christoph Waltz) from stealing the throne from France’s boy king. While the movie’s characters are in the original book, the plot and some of the characters’ back stories in the movie are simplified probably for the sake of saving time. If you want a more satisfying political intrigue, read the book instead.

For about the first hour, I was led to believe the movie was going to turn into a heist film. But after showing us the lovely gadgets and heist schematics, all efforts were abandoned and whatever was left over was cobbled into a save-the-girl ending. I had my heart set on a heist movie. It would have made this latest Musketeer adaptation stand out from the earlier ones. You can’t complain about the ending though. The showdown between D’Artagnan and his nemesis has them parrying swords on the roof tops of Notre Dame. Even though the overall swordplay in this movie can’t compare to movies like Pirates of the Caribbean or Lord of the Rings, I thought Lerman did a good job holding his own against a formidable Mads Mikkelsen.

Milla Jonovich is unintentionally funny as the femme fatale. It’s hard to imagine any lady from that period being physically able to be a superspy. And the obstacles she encounters are just so outrageous it’ll either make you cringe in disbelief or laugh out loud.

Rating: Eye-rolling cheesiness and fun gadgets will definitely appeal to the kids and kids-at-heart.

Trivia: Whovians will recognize the actor who plays the Musketeers’ servant Planchet as James Corden who plays Craig from the 11th Doctor Who series.